Having bouts of anxiety or depression but don’t know why?

Do you find it difficult to slow down and be still even when you are exhausted? Have you ever acted “out of character”? Or wondered where your fear of being alone/of the dark etc stems from?

Understanding why we act, react or feel a certain way

The way we react and behave is a result of past experiences. We operate from 5-10% of consciousness, but a much larger part which we are unaware of, is what drives our behaviour and mood. This larger part is made up of the information that we have been fed by caregivers and what we observed as children. It is made up of unpleasant emotions and memories that we may have stuffed aside. And because we are unaware of this 90-95% of what makes up our entire being, we find ourselves stuck in certain patterns or having mood swings we cannot seem to explain, even when life on the surface appears to be going relatively well.

A visual illustration

For most people, the awareness of who they are, when they refer to “I” is represented by the visible part (the tip) of the iceberg. However, Freud and other psychologists have used the iceberg theory to illustrate our entire being/mind. “I” am the entire iceberg. Our “inner world”, the parts we are not conscious of, is much larger (90-95%).

The developmental years

During the first 7 to 8 years of our lives, we operate in delta to alpha brainwave states. In the delta & theta, this is a dream-like hypnosis state. Children are mostly in this state, and they haven’t yet developed critical thinking. As such, children are downloading whatever they are being told and what they observe. All this information goes straight to the subconscious mind. In Dr Lipton’s “Biology of belief” he points out how adults are acting from the part represented by their inner world 95% of the time.

If we are unaware of our “inner world”, then it is no surprise that we have no clue what might be holding us back, why we may be feeling a certain way, reactive to certain triggers, have certain unexplained fears/phobias or at times act in ways that is ‘out of character’.

OMG, where do I begin?!

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1. Slow Down and Relax

Before we begin looking into the “inner world”, we need to first start paying attention to ourselves, the part represented by the visible tip of the iceberg. Only when we begin to slow down, we start to notice our thoughts, our emotions. We pause to consider what our physical symptoms may be trying to tell us.

If meditation is too daunting, why not begin with relaxation? {Pause, Breath. Un-clench your jaw, relax your shoulders. Take a deep breath in, exhale with a loud sigh}. Relaxation feels good and it is healthy for our mind and body.

A relaxation sound bath is a great way to begin, try this free 20 minute session. Think of it as a treat for your mind and body, without the pressure of “meditating”. Participants “bathe” in the sound waves produced by instruments like gongs, singing bowls, chimes, drums and the human voice. Using a combination of rhythms and frequencies, sound tools entrain the brain to move into the deeper brain wave frequencies and can shift our normal waking Beta state to the Alpha, Theta and Delta states.

2. Sink into your heart

In a society that has turned us into Human Do-ings obsessed with achieving and disconnected from our emotions, most of us have given our mind the task to feel, whilst telling our heart not to feel which leads to discomfort and confusion. When we let our heart feel, we open our mind to a shift in perception of ourselves and others; and we begin to see less differences. We become more empathetic as we come to the realisation that everyone (like you) reacts and behaves from their own past experience, it is rarely personal. As we embrace gratitude, reflection, acceptance, surrender and forgiveness; we begin to awaken our heart. In turn, this helps us build resilience.

Our collection of Relaxation Sound Baths on the themes of gratitude, acceptance, surrender, forgiveness and heart awakening can be found on Insight Timer, the #1 free app for sleep, anxiety and stress.

3. Learn the essential life skills we were not taught

Emotions and Relationships are 2 key components to being human. It is mind boggling that most of us were not taught about either. I was very disconnected from my emotions, it felt like I was always feeling “fine”. Maybe at times “unhappy”, “stuck” or “angry” since those were the only emotion words I knew. In reality I was numb and used alcohol to cope with any unpleasant or uncomfortable feeling.

When we don’t know how to healthily manage our emotions, we try all means to avoid them, distracting ourselves through excessive alcohol, drugs, partying, sex, gambling, work or even something healthy like exercise!

Emotions are simply energy in motion. Allow, accept and embrace them and they will pass. Healthy ways to process your emotions:
a) cry (hell yes, real men do cry)
b) write a f-you letter (burn/tear it up after)
c) scream or shout into a pillow (if nobody is around, then just let it all out!)

It is important to know how to identify, feel and navigate our emotions, because this is what happens to unprocessed emotions.

Essential skills to healthy relationships, is our ability to really listen, understand and communicate healthy boundaries. Most of us listen to respond or fix, our listening skills can lead to others feeling misunderstood or frustrated. Many of us don’t know what are healthy boundaries and even less about how to set, communicate them. When we begin to learn these skills, we also begin to reconnect to Self.

4. Exploration of the inner world

The fun is in the exploration! Start looking towards the root cause of your discomfort and dis-ease, and begin to rewrite old belief systems and make lasting changes. There are many options, and we all resonate with different practices. I encourage you to lean into your intuition and see where it leads you. Some starting points:

Therapy (I prefer, ‘Self Discovery’)
Therapy can sound depressing and scary; I prefer ‘Self Discovery’. Today, more options are becoming available in addition to traditional therapy. I resonate with the concepts of “small t” traumas and focusing on the root cause. I follow @the.holistic.psychologist on Instagram and resonate with the pearls of wisdom she drops. I love the work of Dr. Gabor Mate, do a search on YouTube and you’ll find many of his talks, or you can start with this. Do your own research and have fun with it!

BodyTalk
This was my entry point into my inner world. I was fascinated from my first session which led me to become a certified BodyTalk practitioner. I can assist you with exploring your inner world, addressing your body’s priorities, releasing stored emotions and restoring well-being from the inside. Find out more.

*** Disclaimer: All views expressed are my own and based on my own experience. It should not substitute a medical professional. The Inside Job’s BodyTalk services, events and workshops are not to be treated as a substitute for medical treatments of physical or mental illnesses. ***